Little by Little

Trying to outrun the pain and sickness of withdrawal got to be too much. I was living one hour at a time and it was absolutely exhausting. Each day, right before I popped another pill, I asked myself: “how much more of this can I possibly take?” Then an hour later, I would forget for a while about the war I was waging with my own body. It was a game of excruciating inches where I would fall apart and then a little bit of me would come back to life, but it wasn’t the real me and it wasn’t for very long.

Oxycodone had absolutely become my main preoccupation in life. It took the place of love, family, money, ambition, art, sex, food and everything else that drove me as a human being. That enormously pleasurable feeling I got when the euphoria washed over me and, for that brief instant, it didn’t even seem like there was such a thing as pain, had become what I lived for. The only time I ever concerned myself with money or my family was when I needed either of them to get high. Pills had turned me into a sort of sociopath and for a while there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to get high.

The trouble was that I had become addicted to a feeling that was no longer possible to attain. Burned in my head was this sense of bliss and comfort. I would have given anything to get back there again. No matter how many pills I took or how often I took them, I couldn’t get that feeling back. Instead my life became an endless succession of nausea, joint pain and bad dreams. I broke down and entered medical detox when I just couldn’t take withdrawal anymore. Ideally I would have liked to have just gone to sleep, have someone take over my life for a while and then wake me when it got better, but that wasn’t an option.

No matter what you do, withdrawal is going to be uncomfortable (this is just one of the things that make drug use a thing to be avoided); however it doesn’t have to kill or cripple you. I chose to get medical detox because I wanted an experienced professional watching over me, and frankly, assuring me that I wasn’t going to die. After detox I went to rehab and started picking up the pieces, one by one. It’s ironic that the day-by-day approach dictated my life both in addiction and recovery. 

Contact the The National Center for Alcohol and Drug Detox anytime toll-free at (888) 243-3869 or through our online form, for our recommendations of the best medically licensed detox centers for you or your loved one!

Detox should never be attempted in your home or without medical supervision at a licensed detox treatment facility. For your safety we do not recommend any rapid or ultra rapid detox centers.

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