Not A Secret Anymore

For a while I questioned my right to live. I was a functioning alcoholic and had managed to keep my addiction away from my family and my career; but I still felt pitiful that there was this aspect of my life that I couldn’t control. I was living this lie helpless and alone and no matter what I did, I couldn’t stop. When you’re used to being strong and taking care of yourself, something like this really knocks the wind out of you. One thing I learned during my years of alcohol abuse is that if you’re going to get sober, you have to do the work. Wishing for a cure and not changing your behavior will bring nothing but heartache and more sleepless nights.

Residential alcohol detox was the only thing that worked for me. After months of searching for a solution that didn’t require such effort, I kept falling on my face. Eventually I realized that recovery is like everything else: you get out of it what you put into it and trying to go cold-turkey and making false promises is only short-changing yourself. I tried waking up every morning and saying “I’m not going to have a drink today.” By the time day turned to night, I was staying late at work to sober up and spraying gallons of breath freshener into my mouth to fool my wife. I couldn’t put down the bottle.

This caused me to become more depressed and borderline suicidal. I was getting by and faking my way through life, but I felt and sick tired of having to always carry this secret by myself. I couldn’t go to my wife, because I didn’t want her to worry; I couldn’t go to my colleagues because I’d be out of a job; and I couldn’t go to a shrink because time just didn’t allow for it. At the end of the day, it was just me and my secret alcoholism. There was no dramatic cry for help; just a dull pain that ate away at me for nearly three years and showed no signs of stopping.

When I finally told my wife about my drinking problem, it nearly broke her; but I could tell that she still wanted to trust me. I felt like I had let her and everybody else down; but was relieved that she agreed to stick by me. When I left treatment, she did everything she could to help me adjust back to my normal life, but if I hadn’t wanted to do it, than nobody could have made me. The love and support of your loved ones is a necessity when you’re going through recovery; but in the end, you really just have to do it for yourself.

Contact the The National Center for Alcohol and Drug Detox anytime toll-free at (888) 243-3869 or through our online form, for our recommendations of the best medically licensed detox centers for you or your loved one!

Detox should never be attempted in your home or without medical supervision at a licensed detox treatment facility. For your safety we do not recommend any rapid or ultra rapid detox centers.